It was time to leave. Finally. Just as everything in this world, her stint with the advertising agency also came to an end. So did certain other things in her life. A year seemed like it had just begun... a film that came to an end even before it began, an interesting book that saw its last page before the first was read, a dream...from which one was woken up, perhaps, for no reason. Or perhaps, that was how it had always meant to be.
She had always known that her work in Mumbai will come to an end, and so will her relationship with him. She would have to leave. That is how it was supposed to be. Ever since. But it is stupid how we all sometimes want to, willingly, live in a dream world. Perhaps we just want to run away from reality for sometime, or forever. Rarely do we realise that when we come back into the real world, we are troubled and hurt. It is all our doing, isn't it? That is just what she did. She met Praveen. And met him again. And again.
Rahul would come to pick her up at the Delhi airport. She had been married to Rahul for four years now. They had always been the ideal couple. She had met Rahul in college and had fallen in love. And since then they were truly committed to each other. When there was talk of her moving to Mumbai for a year, he had showed his disappointment in all ways possible. But at the end, had relented, because he realised how important her career had always been for her. "When you come back, we'll make up for the time we could not spend together", he had said.
She was now sitting on her couch in her four bed-room apartment in Mumbai, recounting all the nights she had spent with Praveen. It was the last night she would spend there. The couch was soft, cozy and had a particular feel to it, just like him, she thought. He had a particular feel to him. What attracted her to him? His callousness? His brash replies? His insensitivity? His self centeredness? Or his display of affection? His genuine concern? His simply lovable self? She had asked herself this many times before. Clearly, there were no easy answers. There were NO answers.
Just as she never knew why she thought Rahul is the perfect match for her. But he was, she was convinced of it. But leaving Praveen behind, was, by far the toughest emotional decision she had ever taken. She felt unsure of herself, for the first time. There was pain, yet no pain.. there was disappointment, yet none to feel...
She looked around. It seemed like everything in her apartment was screaming out to her to not go. The flowers on the curtains, the photographs on the side table, the couch that had a particular feel to it, everything. Everything, except Praveen.
"No one is indispensable", Praveen had said, "now that you mention, it might feel strange to not have you around. But what the hell?! We all get over it". What did it mean? She knew not. She had never been sure of his feelings towards her, but was more than confident of her feelings towards him.
She shut her eyes. She knew she would love him in the time to come. She would not let her feelings for him be governed by what he feels for her.
But now she had to leave. And leave she would.
Raksha Kumar
