It was time to leave. Finally. Just as everything in this world, her stint with the advertising agency also came to an end. So did certain other things in her life. A year seemed like it had just begun... a film that came to an end even before it began, an interesting book that saw its last page before the first was read, a dream...from which one was woken up, perhaps, for no reason. Or perhaps, that was how it had always meant to be.
She had always known that her work in Mumbai will come to an end, and so will her relationship with him. She would have to leave. That is how it was supposed to be. Ever since. But it is stupid how we all sometimes want to, willingly, live in a dream world. Perhaps we just want to run away from reality for sometime, or forever. Rarely do we realise that when we come back into the real world, we are troubled and hurt. It is all our doing, isn't it? That is just what she did. She met Praveen. And met him again. And again.
Rahul would come to pick her up at the Delhi airport. She had been married to Rahul for four years now. They had always been the ideal couple. She had met Rahul in college and had fallen in love. And since then they were truly committed to each other. When there was talk of her moving to Mumbai for a year, he had showed his disappointment in all ways possible. But at the end, had relented, because he realised how important her career had always been for her. "When you come back, we'll make up for the time we could not spend together", he had said.
She was now sitting on her couch in her four bed-room apartment in Mumbai, recounting all the nights she had spent with Praveen. It was the last night she would spend there. The couch was soft, cozy and had a particular feel to it, just like him, she thought. He had a particular feel to him. What attracted her to him? His callousness? His brash replies? His insensitivity? His self centeredness? Or his display of affection? His genuine concern? His simply lovable self? She had asked herself this many times before. Clearly, there were no easy answers. There were NO answers.
Just as she never knew why she thought Rahul is the perfect match for her. But he was, she was convinced of it. But leaving Praveen behind, was, by far the toughest emotional decision she had ever taken. She felt unsure of herself, for the first time. There was pain, yet no pain.. there was disappointment, yet none to feel...
She looked around. It seemed like everything in her apartment was screaming out to her to not go. The flowers on the curtains, the photographs on the side table, the couch that had a particular feel to it, everything. Everything, except Praveen.
"No one is indispensable", Praveen had said, "now that you mention, it might feel strange to not have you around. But what the hell?! We all get over it". What did it mean? She knew not. She had never been sure of his feelings towards her, but was more than confident of her feelings towards him.
She shut her eyes. She knew she would love him in the time to come. She would not let her feelings for him be governed by what he feels for her.
But now she had to leave. And leave she would.
Raksha Kumar
12 comments:
All good things..
Sorry? what good things?
It's a song; All good things (come to an end)
Seemed to fit the story.
Alrighty then. Boo hoo hoo and i am in love with who? Sorry to be so caustic but this seems like some karan johar meets mills and boon balderdash. In all this 'new age', 'nothing's white or black' age, such stories seem to give undue importance to the dilemma between the heart and mind. Give it a break girl, life's a lot more straight forward than this. If they are an ideal couple and she really loves rahul, there is no way she's going to sleep with Praveen this regularly. And if she does, then she doesn't love Rahul and doesn't have to go back. And Praveen seems to be just another male making lay (pun intended) when the sun shines. Its easy to be caring to a beautiful woman, its even macho to be insensitive. Nothing specific about either Praveen or her personalities that makes this unique. Its basic chemistry. So my word to the girl: either forget about ur lover and go back to the security of ur husband (cos thats all u really wanted from ur husband in anycase) or forget ur lover and ur husband and get a life !!!
Cheers
I am really happy that life has turned out to be in black and white for you. But for most people it is in grey most times. The dilemma between heart and mind is age old and those who do not give it the importance it deserves are being escapists. because these are tough questions that need thought to be answered. I take serious offence to your statement that girls only look for security in their husbands. It is perhaps one of the several things. But the relationship between a husband and wife is certainly more than just that.
Thanks for your black and while comment anyway, we sometimes need clarity!
Hang on now. Black and White doesn't mean escapism ! It means taking a responsible and informed decision and sticking to it. It means not procrastinating. It means not being wishy washy. It means taking a hard decision in favor of something that may be more difficult over something that's more desirable. I understand that all things in life cannot be and are not black and white. But when it comes to relationships, it has to be ! Love can't be shared, at least not the one between two lovers. And i am in now way suggesting that girls only want security in relationships. In fact in many relationships, they are the ones who provide the security by being rock solid. I am only talking about your protagonist here who thinks she is love with her husband but still wants a lover, who seems to care a damn.
My point is that this decision is not something that you can escape from by calling it a dilemma between heart and mind. You have to take one stand and stick with it for the rest of your life. No escaping that :)
Hi first time here...
To quote sanjay" I understand that all things in life cannot be and are not black and white. But when it comes to relationships, it has to be ! Love can't be shared, at least not the one between two lovers. And i am in now way suggesting that girls only want security in relationships. In fact in many relationships, they are the ones who provide the security by being rock solid."
I agree... I know what u mean by the grey, but in a relationship with ur lover its about trust, security etc... which are probably easier things to say than to handle, but i dont think cheating is a solution, and definitely not in for a year! I mean if she wasnt sure, esp with this jack ass praveen I think a few days is understandable... Rahul sounds like a better person. personally i think she's foolish to run after someone brash and insensitive.
Hey nice story...quite captures the complexity of human realtions...
hi raksha, must say you are an amazing writer. the story though doesn't seem fictional! where is it coming from?
i was also taken aback by the similarity of views - yours and mine.
I liked this,was it imaginary or real??
hey this is well written story.. i agree that life s more complicated than we think, after all thats the interesting part about it. How come you haven't written any stories off late?
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